my turn

get this. i was sitting in the cafe on the corner, sipping my late and minding my own business, when this guy strolls up to me, kisses me full on the lips, TAKES A BITE OUT OF MY BAGEL, and sits down beside me like nothing is wrong. when i blow up at him and ask him what his problem is, he lookes baffled. He says we have been dating for over three months and even been sleeping together. i am SO not buying that mess. he says he can prove it and takes out his phone and starts scrolling through his photos. he doesn't get past the first photo, which is a picture of me ASLEEP, before i scream "STALKER" and blast him with my pepper spray. after he is carried away by the police, i find his phone and scroll through the pictures, which, are full of cutesy pictures of me and pepper spray man together doing all sorts of things: eating icecream, watching tv, with some of my friends. and i think for a second....wait.....am i.......dating....a time traveler? i ponder this thought for all of three seconds before i come back to reality. no way. this guy is a major creeper who has been photo shopping pics of him with myself. sick. just sick. (time travelers. can't catch a break)

met an elf on an internet dating site last week. after seven wonderful days of exchanging love letters, i think I've found the one!! we agree to meet. in my mind i am picturing Orlando Bloom from Lord of the Rings. what walks through the doors of the coffee shop. however, is more like Will Ferrell from Elf. um..maybe we aren't soul mates after all. you think i can sneak out the back?!

met and fell in love with an alien yesterday. oh man, those green eyes! our relationship had been off to a great start, but i am a little bit reluctant to become intimate with him. i mean.... when he starts talking dirty to me....he keeps mentioning the word "probe". D:

finally met the man of my dreams last night. And guess what? He told me he was a shape shifter. i got so excited, and lets admit,a little bit turned on. i asked him to turn into a wolf and he gave me a face. so i tried again: tiger? no. komodo? no. Dragon? no. griffin? no. alligator? no. i finally got angry after he shot down every exciting animal i could name. i asked him what he could turn into. the man then proceded to turn into a kitten. that is so not sexy. D: