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Title: North Pole Reform
School
Author: Jaimie Admans
Date of Publication:
November 6, 2013
Genre: YA rom-com, fantasy
Blurb:
Mistletoe Bell hates Christmas. So would you if you had
a name like hers. Her Christmas-mad parents make the festive season last all
year, and with another Christmas looming, Mis doesn’t think she can take any
more. After her carelessness causes an accident at school, it seems like things
can’t get any worse.
Then she wakes up to find
The Ghost of Christmases Ruined in her bedroom.
She is taken to the North
Pole, to a reform school run by elves determined to make her love Christmas.
Stuck in a misfit group of fellow Christmas-haters with a motley crew of the
weird and even weirder, watched over by elves day and night, she doesn’t expect
to meet cute and funny Luke, who is hiding a vulnerable side beneath his
sarcastic exterior. She doesn’t expect to fall in love with him.
But all is not as it
should be at the North Pole. A certain Mr Claus is making the elves’ lives a
misery, and pretty soon Mistletoe and Luke are doing more than just learning to
like Christmas.
A YA romantic comedy in
which Santa is the bad guy, teaching reindeer to fly is on the curriculum, and
zombies have a fondness for Christmas music.
-
Suitable for older teens
and upwards due to bad language.
EXCERPT!!!
I’m still looking around for a
weapon when two people walk in.
Two small people.
Two… elves?
No, they can’t be elves just because
they’re small and dainty and wearing red and green outfits. And they have
pointy ears. A little bit like Luke’s, actually.
“Good morning, everyone,” the female one
says way too cheerfully. “What a lovely day. It’s so nice to meet you all. I am
Elf Tinsel, and this is my husband, Elf Navidad.”
“Hello.” Elf Navidad waves
enthusiastically. “Remember, there’s no point in closing the stable door if the
horse is wearing spectacles.”
“Welcome to North Pole Reform School. Now,
I’m sure you’re all wondering what’s going on here, and we have come to tell
you. If you’ll just… wait…” She consults a clipboard in her arms. “There’s one
missing, Navi. Have any of you seen another one?”
“Another one of what?” Luke asks.
“One of you,” Tinsel says. She counts us
with a pen. “Yes, there are only four. There are supposed to be five. Have any
of you seen the other one?”
We all shake our heads in bewilderment.
“Go and see if you can rouse him would you,
Navi dear?”
Navidad walks over to one of the other
doors and goes inside.
“Now, the rest of you, we’ve brought some
clothes for you to wear, and we’ll need you to put them on before we can get
started, and—”
Navidad comes back out. “Bit of a problem,
Tinsel. He appears to think he’s dead.” He says it in what is supposed to be a
whisper to his wife but we can all hear him.
“You know we can hear you, right?” Luke
asks.
Navidad turns to him. “Then you won’t mind
helping. Be a pal and go and convince the little boy in there that he isn’t
dead.”
Luke shrugs. “Maybe he is dead. Maybe we
all are.”
“You’re not dead,” Tinsel says. “None of
you are dead. As I was trying to get to, this is the North Pole Reform School.
You’re in Santa’s Village at the North Pole, and you’re all here to learn a
very important lesson. But we can’t start without everyone being here.”
Joe lets out a laugh. “Yeah, right.”
Luke rolls his eyes.
“What, Elf Boy? Why’d you have ears like
theirs? Why do you have elf ears? Something you want to tell us?” Joe questions
Luke.
“No, okay?” Luke frantically tries to
smooth his hair over his ears again. “No, I have nothing to tell anyone.
Nothing.”
“I think you’re—” Joe starts.
“Please don’t fight,” Tinsel interrupts. “I
will explain everything just as soon as I sort the fifth student out. All stay
here, please.”
Tinsel walks over and goes into the room
Navidad just came out of. We all go over to crowd around the door and look in.
Even Duck Lady has got off the sofa and joined us.
The small room looks the same as the one I
woke up in. A small window on one wall, a couple of feet of space between that
and the bed. In the corner of this room is a boy, cowering on the floor, the
sheet from the bed wrapped around himself and clutched to his chest. Tinsel is
crouched in front of him, talking gently. We hear her telling him he is safe
and nothing bad will happen to him.
He doesn’t look like he believes her.
“Let me help,” Duck Lady says and pushes
herself into the room with the boy and the elf.
Even as I think it, I can’t believe I’m
taking this seriously. Elves don’t exist. Santa and his village in the North
Pole don’t exist. And yet here I am, watching an elf try to cajole a little boy
into believing he isn’t dead.
Luke is squashed in the doorway next to me
and I can’t help but look up at him. He really does have the same ears as
Tinsel and Navidad. He must sense me looking because he glances down and winks
at me. I can’t help but smile back.
Now Duck Lady is crouched in front of the
boy too, and Tinsel seems to have taken a step back. Maybe Duck Lady has gone
to tell him he’s being watched by ducks; no doubt that will make him feel
better.
“Don’t crowd around, please.” Tinsel comes
over and starts to herd Joe, Luke, and me out of the doorway. “Go and wait on
the sofas—we’ll be out in a minute.”
She eventually pushes us back far enough
that she can shut the door in our faces.
“Well, that was rude,” Joe says. “I was
only trying to help.”
“No, you were all gawking,” Navidad says.
“Not everyone copes as well as you apparently have. Never mind; if life gives
you lemons, ask the fish for oranges instead.”
“Yeah, well not everyone is sane,” says
Luke.
“So, be straight with us, little elf man.”
Joe turns to Navidad. “What’s going on here? We in some kind of weird dream or
mad scientist’s experiment or what?”
“Nothing like that,” he says. “We’ll
explain everything when Tinsel gets back with the boy.”
“Okay, but where are we really?” I ask him.
“I mean, I know we’re not in the North Pole, so where are we? Why have you two
put so much effort into your elf costumes? We all know you’re not really elves,
so why not just stick on a pair of pointy shoes and be done with it?”
“Wrong on both counts,” he says. “We are in
the North Pole and we really are elves.”
“That’s impossible,” I say. “Elves don’t
exist, and if we were in the North Pole then we would be dead by now. If the
temperatures hadn’t killed us then the polar bears would have.”
“We’ll explain everything in a minute,”
Navidad says.
“Hey, maybe you can tell me, little elf
man,” Joe says to Navidad again, “what’s white and round?”
Luke and I groan simultaneously.
Navidad thinks it over. “A snowball.”
“Wrong,” Joe says happily. “A red cube.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yeah, well not everyone is sane,” Luke
repeats.
The door opens and Tinsel comes out,
closely followed by Duck Lady and the dead boy.
She goes to stand next to Navidad again.
“Now that we’re all here, the most important thing is to get dressed.”
“The most important thing is for you to
tell us what the hell is going on here,” Luke says.
“All in good time,” she says. “Navi has
arranged some clothes for you. These will be your outfits for the duration of
your stay here. Please take them and go back to your rooms to change. Once you
have your clothes on, come back out here and we’ll tell you everything.”
“Why not just tell us now?”
“It’s important for you to be dressed in
your outfits first.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Not everything has to make sense at first
glance,” Navidad says. “A picture is worth two camels on a roundabout.”
Luke rolls his eyes.
“Now, please come and take your outfits
from Navi. The sooner you do so, the sooner we can answer all your questions.”
Duck Lady goes up to take her outfit and
the little boy follows.
I glance at Luke and he smiles at me. “It
can’t be any worse than thermal long johns, right?”
We go and get our outfits too, and I go
back to my room to change.
Luke was wrong, though. It can be worse
than thermal long johns, and it is. Much worse.
They’ve given me an elf outfit.
About Jaimie Admans
Jaimie is a 28-year-old
English-sounding Welsh girl with an awkward-to-spell name. She lives in South Wales and enjoys writing, gardening, drinking tea
and watching horror movies. She hates spiders and cheese & onion crisps.
She has been writing for years but has never before plucked up the courage to
tell people. Afterlife
Academy is her third
novel and she hopes you enjoy it. There are plenty more on the way!
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